Price Of A Beautiful Thing

As we approach this season of love for many of us this could be a time where we reflect on our loved ones, whilst for others it could be a time for make or break, a time of an emotional transition, a time to evaluate this four letter word we call love and really dwell deep into ourselves asking ourselves some vital questions such as…
By Shen | Feb 2018

What is the price for such a beautiful thing? Could it be worth a diamond engagement ring? For half a shilling, would this beautiful thing still be ready and willing? Some people swim the seven seas, some climb the highest mountain whilst others simply wish to indulge in it, drink from it’s fountain. Some see it as an emotional strain or an unimaginable pain, then there those who say this beautiful thing is priceless.  To some its experience is so cruel, they feel victimised. So once again one can ask, after you fully embrace this beautiful thing; What happiness could it possibly bring?  Could it be enough to satisfy you? Could it be enough to transform the old into the new? More importantly; How much do you have to earn to acquire this beautiful thing we call L.O.V.E?

Love has always been something that I have had difficulty understanding from a popular stand point. I could not simply view it in a superficial reality.  Contrary to common belief, love for me has always been a doing word, a verb rather than a noun, in its essence and foundation. It is based on a contract or a promise, tying the parties in a spiritual, emotional and physical bond. I had an insightful conversation with relationship Guru extraordinaire Kay Bad to get her take on the subject. Before we get to the interview, here is a poem that articulates my perception of this bond, and was also a topic of my conversation with Kay.

 

POEM: I Promise

...I want to be that man, I want to hold you as we discuss our plan, make you feel that together we can grow and heal, I want to be that man to show you patience, I want you to experience a love that's mature and whole, Kiss your soul into that happy place, Forever promise you that I always crave you, To truly be that piece that fits into you so perfectly, Just letting you know I was specially made for you, Landed here on earth to share goals that will save our souls, Yes I want to be the co-author of our love because we are truly worthy to write in our scroll, Showing you that I appreciate you so whole, Indeed I want to be the spirit that fills your hole with essence that constantly helps you breathe more and more, If you are crazy then I'm too and this is why maybe, For 2000 seasons I've been waiting for you to see me, Wanting you to caress the solitude deep in me, Living up to the promise of loving you yes I know I can, because I want to be that man, I want to hold you as we discuss our plan, Make you feel that together we are able to grow and heal, Just to show you that me needing you is a reality so immensely real...

Shen

 

 

Meet Kay Bad

Kay Bad is a relationship Guru extraordinaire who also has her own blog called Women are Crazy and Men are Bastards. She writes on love and sex and describes her self as some who loves love.

I always love and give with all that I am

We sat down for an interview about love and relationships. There is no doubt that Kay Bad draws much of her inspiration and insights from personal experience, which made for an interesting and candid conversation.


Interview

Shen
Welcome to the “Love Lounge” sister K how are you?
Kay
Welcome Shen, I am doing well thank you, the “Love Lounge” is it [Laugh]?
Shen
Well yes its coming close to that time as we know it as the season of LOVE. So first thing I want to ask you on this topic is, what is what does love mean to you?
Kay
Love is caring, love is kind, it’s about support, its affectionate, it’s a compromise, its understanding, so in essence this is what love means to me.
Shen
Wow beautifully said, so why are these qualities important to you?
Kay
Kindness is important to me, because a good heart is everything to me, being giving and showing consideration for someone else’s needs other than your own all comes down to kindness to me. Adding to that patience is important to me also, because without patience how could a relationship function? People would need to learn to compromise and understand each other and through patience we can achieve this.
Then you have an action word called affection which is a way of expressing your love and feelings.
Shen
Do you see love as a noun, a state of being or as an action word?
Kay
I definitely see love as an action, as a doing word where it is proven by the things you do and say, or don’t do and not say to the one who you profess to love.
Shen
How do you feel that society has used or abuse this verb called love?
Kay
I think society has used this word so loosely, because people may say they love you but their actions do not reflect what they say and mean, and because to me love is a doing thing then the actions should reflect that. Because I remember being in a relationship with someone in the past and one day they asked me if I loved them, which I replied, “if I love you, you would know because you would see it in my behaviour”, usually before I say it my actions would show.
Shen
LOL that’s very interesting, so you are not afraid to show someone that you love them, so in what way would you show someone you love them?
Kay
[Laugh] yes of course, I’m not an Ice Queen you know... well when someone gets to know me they will see that I am nurturing, I’m affectionate, very supportive, caring, I will always look after my loved ones, or lover’s needs, always try to understanding them, well for your information I am actually very giving… maybe to a fault…[Laugh]
So in relation to the poem you wrote “I Promise”, this is what I would want a man to feel about me.
Shen
What are your thoughts and feelings about the poem I wrote called “I Promise”? Did it capture you in any way?
Kay
Yes actually, I really like it. For me the poem is speaking to a soulmate, even though I don’t personally believe in soulmates, but if I was to put myself in the shoes of someone who does, then my ideal soulmate relationship would be in the same way you described in the poem. This would exactly be what I would imagine a soulmate to be.
Shen
So tell me K, why don’t you believe in soulmates? What’s up wit that? [Laugh]
Kay
LOL, my mother said to me that it's because I never met mine, [Laugh]. So Shen let me ask you then, what is a soulmate to you?
Shen
Oh you are putting me in the hot seat now… [Laugh]. Oh ok, a soulmate… Hm [Pause]. A soulmate for me is someone you have a connection with, a person that’s far beyond the physical. It's more like a spiritual and soulful connection you have with someone or a lover, and it does not always need to be with someone who you are physically intimate with.
Kay
Oh well, if you put it that way then, for me my soulmates would be my sisters, they are my life, my heartbeat my everything. So in relation to the poem you wrote “I Promise”, this is what I would want a man to feel about me. I like the fact that in the poem the man is saying that he would like to be that spirit that fills her essence and wants her to breathe, she is his life and it appears he can’t live without her, like a balanced union between two souls joining into one.
You see in this life people can say they love you but not truly know the core of you. So in such a false love they will end up not loving the real you.
Shen
Do you think such a love can exist in the real world or is it utopia, a Shangri-La?
Kay
Yes, well people say that type of excitement and passion, is simply an infatuation and it's not long term, but for me this is what I now want, I always want to feel butterflies for the person that I am with. I think that people can achieve this reality, because I have been with someone for four years, straight, who I was always exited to be with. Every day was a new experience being with him. I always was exited by him. This truly is reflected in your poem.
Shen
Yes, thank you. In the poem, I wanted to reflect that between the two there is no judgement. It's like “whatever you are I am” type scenario, which is reflected in the verse… “if you are crazy then I'm too”.
Kay
Yes, which is nice, and that is the beauty of having such a beautiful and unconditional relationship. If someone can love the core of you, and know the core of you, and still love you no matter what. You see in this life people can say they love you but not truly know the core of you. So in such a false love they will end up not loving the real you, and the love is not truly authentic.


Interview continued...

Shen
Something a bit more personal now, some juicy gossip on you [Laugh]. Has anyone ever written a poem to you declaring their love for you?
Kay
[Laughs] It's funny you should ask this question, because you know what, my first ever boyfriend wrote a poem to me after we split up and I still got it.
Shen
Oh really now… Ok, tell me more [Laughs].
Kay
Yes, LOL, I think, if I can recall right, I was 18 when we broke up and he came to my house, but I was not in at the time. He really took his time and care in writing it to me with a special coloured pen. Yes and I still have it, that poem is very dear to me.
Shen
So what happened with the relationship, why did you break up, if you don’t mind me asking?
Kay
Oh we broke up because he was a pathological liar, but we are still friends and its better that way.
Shen
Final question. What advice would you give to people who are either searching for love or who are in love, in a relationship?
Kay
Well for both the searchers of love and those who are immersed in it, I would say just be simply true to yourselves, and really listen to your instincts. Know what it is you want and don’t settle for anything less. Life is for living and you should be with someone who fulfils you, breathes life into you, in the ways you need to be fulfilled. Furthermore, my other advice is don’t just be with someone because you don’t want to be alone, but be with someone because you are now ready and willing to love and be loved.
Shen
Thank you K.

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