Motherhood & Sisterhood

JS sits down with three generations of women to discuss womanhood, motherhood and sisterhood. We are at the Whitworth Art Gallery in Manchester and it feels like a family day out that JS has been invited to. Each generation holds the other in high esteem and respect and this is the natural order of the day. Rosa is mother to Natalie and the grandmother to Natalie’s daughters Simone aka Yinka and her younger sibling Sade.

Mar 2018

Interview

JS: As a woman living in this time, I think that quote is fitting. As a third generation of this family do you have any responsibilities to your family, Simone?
Simone: I think so, because you’ve got to set the trend. You’ve got to continue the family values so the head of the family initiates the values and then its left to the younger generation to follow. So in that respect I feel that we do have a responsibility to continue our family values that have been passed down to us from older generations it is part of our identity, our family identity.
JS: Grandma, what goes through your mind when you see your granddaughter’s and their achievements?
Rosa: They’ve grown to very beautiful women and very positive women. My dream when I was younger was to be a doctor and my granddaughter is now a doctor so I’m living my dream through her.
JS: What are the rewards of being a mother to your daughters Natalie?
Natalie: In a book I was reading last week, it asked the question, “what’s your greatest accomplishment?” and I was compelled to say my two darling daughters. To have two girls with elegance, dignity, artistry [and] academic achievement is wonderful.
JS: As a family are you free to share your opinions round the dining table?
Simone:: There are a lot of female figures in our family [Smile]. We’ve always been taught to be opinionated, it’s been instilled in me. It’s natural for me to express how I feel.
Sade: Yes, although sometimes it is hard to get a word in because we are all very opinionated [Laugh].
Natalie: Well I’m more forthright than my mum and my daughters would like and that’s who I am. She [mum] gets irritated by it sometimes so do my daughters. I lead by example so if I’m outspoken, I’m encouraging my daughters to be like that as well.
: When Sade was younger she would say “you know mummy I love grandma more than you, I want to live with grandma”. I would say, good, I am glad you like grandma more. I think she said it to try and get to me [Smile].
Simone: Yeah, I think we’ve been brought up to say how we feel but in a respectful way, not to be shy.
JS: We hear about traditional values but we also hear the term progressive parenting. Grandma, if someone said to you progressive parenting what would that mean?
Rosa: I was a liberal parent. Perhaps some people will think it’s not a traditional thing but I think if you’re liberal people are able to, especially children are able to, speak to you and you’re able to react to them in a positive way.
JS: Mum, when you were bringing these two beautiful young women up, they would have had friends whose parents had a different parenting styles. So when they came home with their bright ideas and shared them with you, how did you handle it?
Natalie: I was married then so there was a difference in parenting between my husband and I. As my mum said, she was liberal, she would let us try things and suffer the consequences and her rational was- you wanted to. I adopted that approach. I believe I’ve given you [her daughters] that freedom as best as I could.
Simone: I think the way I’ve been brought up is a lot different to my sister. You [mum] were stricter with me, it was like ying yang effect between you and dad. I used to watch children play out or go to sleepovers and I wished I could do that. You used to say to me ‘you see the kids outside, it’s because their parents don’t care that’s why their outside’ and I used to think oh right [Laugh]... but I think it’s helped me be who I am today.

Natalie, Sade and Simone Photo credit: Emmanuel Boateng Arkoh

Interview continued...

JS: Mum, Simone and Sade, How much of you achievements do you attribute to your mothers.
Natalie: I grew up with my mum, no father, and beautiful aunties. It’s strange because I’m so different to her and yet especially in recent months I’ve been yearning to be more like her, dignified and attentive [Smile], Softer and more ladylike.
Simone: A lot of how I am today is definitely attributable to you [mum] and grandma.
Sade: Same with me. I am a creative person. That was something that mum allowed me to do, I could always express myself and be creative without being afraid.
JS: The women’s liberation movement has strived for change in the treatment of women. As a black woman in Britain have you gained any benefit over the years?
Simone: Yeah, I think so. I grew up amongst strong black women. You hear stories where black women were deprived of many things, but I think that’s changed a lot with my generation. It’s encouraging to see a lot of my friends in high-powered jobs, these are black women. I think it’s perhaps the product of that movement.
Rosa: When I was younger, we concentrated on our day-to-day lives, doing what we had to do. I, like a lot of women, had my first child when I was very young. You just focused on living as best you can. The women liberation movement may have been there as an umbrella but we [black women] were actually doing it without a label. Many of the elderly women that I know have and women’s lib wasn’t necessarily coming to their doors and helping
Natalie: I’ve never been a feminist. I’m not. Like you said mum, it was about getting to college, dropping the child off at nursery and picking up again and getting through the day. That’s what it was like. Yes for white women campaigning for equal rights was commendable but, I think you're right mum, as a black woman back then it was about how do I survive, keep my head up and thrive.
JS: You've both [Simone and Sade] chosen different paths, why have you chosen these?
Sade: I like art but I want to work with children. I don’t know why, I’ve always been drawn to children.
Simone: I feel I was born with this, it’s like someone asking why are you black? [Laugh] Being a doctor is always something I wanted to do. A lot of it is about caring, putting people first.
Natalie: Remember at eleven, what we did Simone?... I said right you want to be a doctor? C’mon, we went to the Stopford building at Manchester University. We met a black woman on security and I asked how many black doctors worked there, she said not very many, a few Nigerian doctors. Some 12/14 years later you graduated from there, it was a big achievement.
JS: Grandma what do people say about your family?
Rosa: When I was younger, they’d said ‘you’re a bit stuck-up aren’t you’ and ‘you speak a bit posh don’t you’. But when they got to know me, they said ‘your ordinary’. [Smile] I think that’s reflected through my family. We try to do the best we can, our standards are high.
: Those who arrived here in the early years were caught off guard, and I think we still aren’t quite used to how the system operates. As individuals, we have to be forceful to navigate through the system and make it work for us.
Natalie: I think things have reversed. You have children telling parents 'leave me alone' or 'I don’t want to talk to you right now'. I hear 2-year-old pickney telling their mum, 'go away'... so things have really reversed.
JS: As a family, what are the dreams going forward?
Rosa: Continue as we are, passing more positive attitudes amongst ourselves and keep together, connect, visit each other, call each other, is the glue of it really.
JS: Thank you.

Motherhood & Sisterhood

Interview

Role models play a vital role in how children view themselves and their place in the world. Far too often women are depicted as weak and needy or the damsel in distress. How does a family function in the absence of a male figure?

How we raise our children is a reflection on the values that we hold. How we bestow these values onto our children, shapes society. The ‘sky is the limit approach’ appears to be the secret catalyst for Natalie’s girls.

Interview continued...

Naturally, parents have aspirations for their children and hope that they will fulfill them. Natalie went the extra mile to ensure this would happen for her own.

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